Ok, so what if this blog has become ranty? It's the only place I seem to be able to do so, or even say what I think for that matter without getting judged, getting in trouble or looking like a total idiot.
To the person who has been ignoring me of late. I don't know what's going on, but I'm sick to death about being confused about where I stand with you. I put up with so much, but when I'm the one getting alienated for I don't even know what reason, then it's time to put my foot down. You know what? If you have a problem with me tell me to my face instead of making me feel like I don't belong where I should. If it's still to do with that letter you sent me, I thought that was all sorted out when you said for me to disregard it and that it was just a rant. I didn't disregard it, I used it as feedback and am trying as hard as I fucking well can to make myself better; so that people can't even get a glimpse of someone that isn't me (because apparently they've been seeing a person who I am, BUT REALLY AM NOT!) Here's the deal, I'm cool to forgive and forget, I've always been like that, but only as long as I know EXACTLY what this is and why this has been going for so much longer than it needed to. That letter seemed like you were trying to make me upset, well it's only worked a little because honestly, I'm confused and I'm just letting it go. I needed my little rant and now it's finished.
To the person I always seem to be helping: I am sick of the whole getting phone calls saying 'Hey can you get this for me?' Only to be told subtly to leave promptly after I deliver what you want. Tell you what; this keeps happening, I'm not going to keep doing it. I'm glad to help out friends, but lately it seems as though you've been making it hard to be friends and honestly, I'm feeling just a bit over-used by you. I cried on the way home tonight to think that you might be keeping me where you are so you can get what you want. It's only going to last a little longer if you keep going at it the way you are.
To BOTH of the above persons, please stop making me feel like I don't belong at the place you both know I'm talking about. I'm sick of feeling like I'm going to be gotten rid of for the tiniest little things. I'm sick of not knowing how to talk to you both. I'm sick of feeling like I'm not doing a good enough job of trying to be a good friend, when in reality I've been doing the bloody best I can. If you could see how much I've grown in the last month or so. How happy I am generally these days other than in one place; how hard I've been trying to be the person you guys seem to want me to be.
I'm here for you both, but I can't keep being treated the way I am either. Please take this into consideration. I love you BOTH as friends so damned much and I feel horrible for writing this blogpost even, but I feel that something needs to be said before things turn any more sour than they are. I miss having you guys as great friends; what is standing in the way? <3
Update: I don't feel the same way as I did in paragraph three and four anymore.
To the person who has been ignoring me of late. I don't know what's going on, but I'm sick to death about being confused about where I stand with you. I put up with so much, but when I'm the one getting alienated for I don't even know what reason, then it's time to put my foot down. You know what? If you have a problem with me tell me to my face instead of making me feel like I don't belong where I should. If it's still to do with that letter you sent me, I thought that was all sorted out when you said for me to disregard it and that it was just a rant. I didn't disregard it, I used it as feedback and am trying as hard as I fucking well can to make myself better; so that people can't even get a glimpse of someone that isn't me (because apparently they've been seeing a person who I am, BUT REALLY AM NOT!) Here's the deal, I'm cool to forgive and forget, I've always been like that, but only as long as I know EXACTLY what this is and why this has been going for so much longer than it needed to. That letter seemed like you were trying to make me upset, well it's only worked a little because honestly, I'm confused and I'm just letting it go. I needed my little rant and now it's finished.
To the person I always seem to be helping: I am sick of the whole getting phone calls saying 'Hey can you get this for me?' Only to be told subtly to leave promptly after I deliver what you want. Tell you what; this keeps happening, I'm not going to keep doing it. I'm glad to help out friends, but lately it seems as though you've been making it hard to be friends and honestly, I'm feeling just a bit over-used by you. I cried on the way home tonight to think that you might be keeping me where you are so you can get what you want. It's only going to last a little longer if you keep going at it the way you are.
To BOTH of the above persons, please stop making me feel like I don't belong at the place you both know I'm talking about. I'm sick of feeling like I'm going to be gotten rid of for the tiniest little things. I'm sick of not knowing how to talk to you both. I'm sick of feeling like I'm not doing a good enough job of trying to be a good friend, when in reality I've been doing the bloody best I can. If you could see how much I've grown in the last month or so. How happy I am generally these days other than in one place; how hard I've been trying to be the person you guys seem to want me to be.
I'm here for you both, but I can't keep being treated the way I am either. Please take this into consideration. I love you BOTH as friends so damned much and I feel horrible for writing this blogpost even, but I feel that something needs to be said before things turn any more sour than they are. I miss having you guys as great friends; what is standing in the way? <3
Update: I don't feel the same way as I did in paragraph three and four anymore.
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