A blurt it post.

I'm going to be honest here so you don't have to guess what's going on.

At the moment I am a combination of:

Homesick: missing my child hood home, life and church
Obessive: Over facebook and about life in general.
Trying to help everyone else: because I feel crappy myself and it makes me feel better to help others and it brings me joy to see others happy
Telling others exactly what I need to hear myself: because I don't want them to make the same mistakes I'm making or have made.
Feeling like I should become a hermit for a while: So other people don't have to deal with me and my issues.
Stop talking to silver gnat: because I've realised I've caught myself in a trap that I got caught in four years ago and I need to distract myself from him before I hurt him or me. He's in South-East Asia, not wanting to come home. I will continue to pray for him, but it will be for God's will to be done in his life and for him to find strength and guidance.
Be more present when I'm with others: because when I'm distant I don't like it and neither does anyone else.
Stop being sarcastic and mean: because it's not how I'm supposed to be and it's not who I want to be.
Forgive my foster mum: because it's only hurting me that I haven't.
Not drink: because it brings out a part of me which shouldn't exist.
Drive safely: because people think I'm mad at them when I'm not by my erratic driving.

Gods will needs to be done in my life, and I have to let him in to takeover. My life is for God and I need to remember that and not try to control every single itsy bitsy part of my life; because frankly, God's much better at it than me and I need to remember that.

Thank-you for being honest with me today, I needed it and it's given me plenty to think about.