Some days are just meant to be hard.

I didn't even want to get out of bed. I only got out of bed because I knew I had to work. I cancelled my hair appointment, I watched tv longer than I wanted to, I've been angry or upset; ALL day... I don't even know why. All I know is my sleep is suffering because I'm so scared of getting broken into again, because I'm afraid to put myself out there in case I look like a slut or a try hard, because I go home every night to no one. No sisters, no brothers, no mum, no dad, no partner, no one. I hate it. HATE IT!

It feels like I might as well not even be taking the antidepressants. I'm back to feeling as horrible as I did before I went to the counsellor or the doctor. I don't want it to be Christmas. I don't want to be spending it with people who aren't my family; who invited me to theirs for Christmas. Who, I'm sure, only did invited me because they felt sorry for me.

I don't want to be this person. I don't want to feel so down. I don't want my life to be a series of negatives. I don't want to feel so awkward around people. I don't want to be here right now. I want to give the rest of my life to my foster mum who is suffering from breast cancer; who deserves to be here more than me. I wish she were here right now. I miss her like crazy.

Yep, today has been one of those days.