I'm anti-social because I'm scared of what people think of me, and I don't want to make an idiot of myself.
If I have an idea to organise something and someone who knows about it decides they want a change of location; I think I should be a little offended: is my house or who I am not good enough for you?
If I'm sad around a particular person and chirpy around others, it means that the person I'm sad around knows the real me; I don't have to mask, charade, act or whatever else happy around them, because I feel like I can be myself around them.
If I criticise myself all the time around people, it's because that is EXACTLY what I think of myself.
If I am quiet, it's because I feel that anything I say will be criticised to a point where I can't take it anymore. I can't bear to think about what people say about me when I think so badly of myself.
What you think is the act; that is me. What you think is real; isn't. Only if you know the real me, and I have let you see that will you realise that my chirpiness is an act, so others don't ask questions and get information on things I don't want them to know about.
I hate attention seekers, can't stand them. Please don't ever tell me I'm one because I'm really not.
I'm hurting more than anyone knows. It's worse now than it was before I started getting help. Now it's New Years Eve, I'm home alone crying because my friends have given up on me and I've given up fighting myself, others and the world.
I'm fighting my demons even harder now than ever, with no more support because I've apparently run it dry.
If people saw me in the moments I'm alone, they'd know exactly how bad this is. I'm sick of gut-wrenching tears. Sick of not feeling like I'm worth it for anyone.
I'm trying my best; please see that.
If I have an idea to organise something and someone who knows about it decides they want a change of location; I think I should be a little offended: is my house or who I am not good enough for you?
If I'm sad around a particular person and chirpy around others, it means that the person I'm sad around knows the real me; I don't have to mask, charade, act or whatever else happy around them, because I feel like I can be myself around them.
If I criticise myself all the time around people, it's because that is EXACTLY what I think of myself.
If I am quiet, it's because I feel that anything I say will be criticised to a point where I can't take it anymore. I can't bear to think about what people say about me when I think so badly of myself.
What you think is the act; that is me. What you think is real; isn't. Only if you know the real me, and I have let you see that will you realise that my chirpiness is an act, so others don't ask questions and get information on things I don't want them to know about.
I hate attention seekers, can't stand them. Please don't ever tell me I'm one because I'm really not.
I'm hurting more than anyone knows. It's worse now than it was before I started getting help. Now it's New Years Eve, I'm home alone crying because my friends have given up on me and I've given up fighting myself, others and the world.
I'm fighting my demons even harder now than ever, with no more support because I've apparently run it dry.
If people saw me in the moments I'm alone, they'd know exactly how bad this is. I'm sick of gut-wrenching tears. Sick of not feeling like I'm worth it for anyone.
I'm trying my best; please see that.
No comments:
Post a Comment