The last couple of days have been pretty breezy... by way of general life. Ok who the hell am I kidding? I was left out of photos today, I keep being shrugged off by nearly everyone. Don't they realise how much it hurts? Being shrugged off when you're already lonely? When you've already lost almost everyone you care about? I feel like I'm not wanted anywhere, by anyone; I HATE IT! Sure, I may talk a lot about my feelings and complain a lot; but when I do, it's only because if I didn't I know I'd do something stupid; crazy even and get either thought less of or get my self irreversibly hurt.
Last night, I went for a walk for just over two hours; between one and three in the morning. Some would call me stupid; to me it was logical. I was feeling restless, I'd overeaten, I needed to get out of the house for a while, I felt I needed to do something that could be somewhat dangerous and I needed to go for long enough that it'd be worth it. Well I don't know about any of you, but 10.4km and 2 hours, 4 minutes was quite satisfying; for a start. At three am I was back home and quite satisfied with my walk; and would have gone longer, but I was tired. Tonight I feel like doing it again, but I won't because I have a doctor's appointment, a counsellors appointment and work tomorrow... then a social event which I'm not sure I want to go to, but will for the sake of work politics... and the fact that I really don't want to have another person hurt because I backed out (Even though I don't want to go because the sheer thought of a possibility humiliating myself again in front of those people totally freaks me out.)
I think I just realised how my bfp went the way she did... I'm going to have to change my ways, before I end up like her...
UPDATE: 15.5km tomorrow night? BRING IT!!!!!
Last night, I went for a walk for just over two hours; between one and three in the morning. Some would call me stupid; to me it was logical. I was feeling restless, I'd overeaten, I needed to get out of the house for a while, I felt I needed to do something that could be somewhat dangerous and I needed to go for long enough that it'd be worth it. Well I don't know about any of you, but 10.4km and 2 hours, 4 minutes was quite satisfying; for a start. At three am I was back home and quite satisfied with my walk; and would have gone longer, but I was tired. Tonight I feel like doing it again, but I won't because I have a doctor's appointment, a counsellors appointment and work tomorrow... then a social event which I'm not sure I want to go to, but will for the sake of work politics... and the fact that I really don't want to have another person hurt because I backed out (Even though I don't want to go because the sheer thought of a possibility humiliating myself again in front of those people totally freaks me out.)
I think I just realised how my bfp went the way she did... I'm going to have to change my ways, before I end up like her...
UPDATE: 15.5km tomorrow night? BRING IT!!!!!
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